“Was it all just narcissism
In the guise of spiritual growth?
Or was every experience I had
What I needed
To prepare me for this role?”
“All of my worries disappeared
when the nurse put you down
on my chest.”
“Who am I to be here?
I thought to myself.
Enjoying the sound of the ocean
crashing against the cliffs
in a steady rhythm…”
“Are you someone
with big dreams and ambitions,
a constant rub
to create something new?…”
“I want a new word for love
It’s been devalued
And demeaned
Because these days
It’s used in reference to
Pretty much everything…”
“Most of the time
I’m grateful
That I’m on a creative path
That I’m following my heart…”
“…If you’ve got a freak flag
I say fly it
If you’re different
Then don’t hide it…”
“…Willingness breaks through
Like a blade of grass
Searching for sunlight
Through the cement…”
“…I was just trying to be like
The women I admire
So courageous in their
Commitment
To speak the truth…”
“…Why I can’t I sing
And play guitar?
Spit white girl poetry like
I’ve got something to say?…”
“…To smile at strangers
To let traffic merge
To be kind and listen
To face fear and learn…”
“…I don’t want to go backwards
To loose all I’ve gained
I can no longer
Drink you interesting…”
“I always gravitated
To the girl
With purple hair
Eccentric style
And an attitude
Like she didn’t care…”
“…I think there’s a way
To be vulnerable and strong
At the same time
I’ve just never tried before…”
“…I keep coming back
To the present moment
And getting out of
The future and past…”
“When we meet
It’s usually
Yes or no
I’m pretty quick to decide
If we click or we don’t…”
“San Francisco
Your fog rolled in
Over me
Constricting my breath
Closing me in…”
“I know it’s time to face this
To allow even more space
For emotions to rush in…”
“…I’ve gotten compliments on my posture
Implying I should want to hunch…”
“Competition lingers in the air
A thickness that separates
Me now from you…”
“I’m in it
The discomfort is
Overwhelming
I just want a way out…”
“It’s always been twenty-twenty
In hindsight with me
And now
That’s even more true…”
“I’ve exhausted all other options
Each failed attempt
Proving what I always knew…”
“…Visions of their future shared
Then realized as
Wedding vows are exchanged…”
“I’m ready
To peel back the layers
And I’m curious to find
What’s there…”
“…And it bothers me that
Your impression of me
Is based on something false…”
“…So do I check in
Or do I check out?
What’s the better solution
To my current dis-ease?…”
“…Thoughts going crazy
I twist and I turn
Beating myself up
For not having learned…”
“…When I linger at the bar
And order one more drink
Because I don’t want to go home
And think…”
“…That everything happens
For a reason
And that he did me a favor
By leaving”
“…I don’t know exactly
When the change happened
But I feel like everyday
I’m becoming more me”
“…But it was your decision
Now you have to live
With knowing that you quit…”
“…You’re just a man
Who doesn’t know what he wants
Besides not wanting me…”
“…My memory of it happening feels blurry
But the feelings remain crystal clear…”
“I think that I know
What I’ve yet to admit
My thoughts have been
Lingering on you…”
“…And to be a woman my age
Today
It’s hard
To know how strong to be…”
“…I want some drama
Need some passion
Conversations can’t provide…”
